Swimming With Anchovies

Mini-Movie: La Dolce Vita

Fellini: Anita, Marcello, this is a crucial scene in the film and it must be played exactly. When you, Marcello go off getting milk for the kitten, I want you, Anita, to climb, come fa niente, into the Trevi Fountain.

Ekberg: What? That wasn’t in the script!

Fellini: It is now. We did a rewrite last night.

Ekberg: But I I am not wearing underwear. I will freeze..

Marcello: Cosa?

Fellini: The fish will be delighted, I’m sure. And, cara, you’re so hot by the time the scene ends we’ll be able to have a fish fry for supper.,

Ekberg: You mean there are fishes in there?

Fellini: Yes, of course. There are fish in the fountain are there not, Tancrede?

Tancrede (personal assistant to Mr. Fellini): Ma certo. Maestro, molto, molto fishes.

Fellini; And you, Marcello after you return with the milk and feed the kitten, you climb in after her.

Marcello: Ma Fredo, the suit, c’e un Brioni.

Fellini: I don’t care if it’s the Shroud of Turin, you’re going into the fountain. Just think pesce fritto a la svedese.with popovers. Now where’s Nino gone off to? He’s got to make notations for the score. Tancrede!

Tancrede: Pronto! Signore Rota is in the bar, Maestro. Shall I send a boy after him?

Fellini: No, never mind. Non posso aspettare. Time is money. We will just use “Patricia” again.

Tancrede: But you have already scored it for seven other scenes.

Fellini: Non importante. No one listens to the music anyway. And make a note: next time get Morricone.

Ekberg: Fellini! Can we get started? It’s freezing in here.

Marcello: Senza mutandine, veramente?

Fellini: Porca Madonna! Cut! Marcello, what are you doing? Keep your head above water! And you paparazzi, get out of the fountain! You too, Tancrede. Cretini! Tutti cretini!!

Tancred: Aiutto! Aiutto! Non saper nuotare! I don’t know how to swim!

Best Boy (English); Just stand up, you twit.

Fellini (under heroic control): Very well. Everybody out of the pool, and we will try this again. Anita, per favore, cara, find some underwear, and you, Marcello, put on the knock-off Joseph Abboud that your publicist is wearing and let us do this. Rota, qui, da me. And give me something beside “Patricia.” You,Tancrede, order ten pizzas to go. No anchovies. Va bene, ragazzi, let’s make something iconic.

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